Life is messy.
Between the last full moon and today's new moon things clarified and got muddy again. It feels like I'm being asked to go deeper and deeper to find my answers. How deep I am willing to go?
At the beginning of this month I learned that my friend died. Unexpected news like this one stops you in your tracks, it wakes you up, touches you right in the innermost chamber of your heart...
When the initial shock wears a little and grief settles in, more questions arrive.
The grief is still there, palpable under the messiness of my ordinary life...
The questions are still there, at the centre of my soul.
I am still alive...
How do I want to live my life?
What is important?
What is my purpose?
How do I honour every precious moment that is given?
* * *
I couldn't help myself and I decided to complete this post with Mary Oliver's poem. I feel that this poem (and especially the last verse) is so overused in the on-line world, at the same time it perfectly describes my inner state, and it is beautiful and touching.
The Summer Day
Who made the world?
Who made the swan, and the black bear?
Who made the grasshopper?
This grasshopper, I mean-
the one who has flung herself out of the grass,
the one who is eating sugar out of my hand,
who is moving her jaws back and forth instead of up and down-
who is gazing around with her enormous and complicated eyes.
Now she lifts her pale forearms and thoroughly washes her face.
Now she snaps her wings open, and floats away.
I don't know exactly what a prayer is.
I do know how to pay attention, how to fall down
into the grass, how to kneel down in the grass,
how to be idle and blessed, how to stroll through the fields,
which is what I have been doing all day.
Tell me, what else should I have done?
Doesn't everything die at last, and too soon?
Tell me, what is it you plan to do
with your one wild and precious life?
Below are the pictures of my last full moon mandala, from August. Although, I created it during the full moon I didn't feel like sharing. After completing 31 days of August Break and showing up on my Instagram feed daily I had to take some time off social media and recover. I hid in my cave.
I didn't have any plan for this mandala. I was surprised that I decided to cut out the circle from the page and that I used weaving in this piece. At the same time, when it was completed it made perfect sense. I am trying to establish some structures for myself, make choices about what is important in my life right now, and decide in which direction to move forward. Placing the strings of thread and the weaving above the messy and overwhelming background depicts the work in progress. I like how meaningful the tiny bell - I randomly attached into the middle of this mandala - became. It symbolizes awareness, focus, and a point of access from which the work grows and expands.